The 100 Best Worst Jobs of 2010

bob

What’s the best job of 2010? It’s the job of publishing the list of best jobs of 2010.
Think about it! You only work one day a year, and all you do on that day is regurgitate the work of a bunch of disgruntled math majors who are, no doubt, bitter about having to work at least two days a year in their so-called jobs of putting together their so-called facts.
Mr. Andrew Strieber, the “Executive Producer” of CareerCast.com and JobsRated.com is the lucky ducky who holds this position, and while it is possible that his employers find other tasks for Andrew to accomplish during the 364 days of the year when he’s not publishing the Best Job list, I do look upon his career path with a certain amount of jealousy.
Part of these ill-feelings can be explained by the fact that professional workplace humor columnist does not appear on the 150 best jobs list, which means my own personal career path is either lower than Job #150, plumber, or is better than Job #1. And no way that my job description — or yours — is better than the career choice that stands at the pinnacle of employment prestige and satisfaction — actuary.
Actuaries, of course, are the number-crunching nerds who determine how many years you have to live, and how healthy you are statistically likely to be during those years, so that insurance companies can write their policies to guarantee that whenever you do kick it, you’ll have kicked in more than the insurance company has to pay out.
According to Strieber, there are two main reasons why little children everywhere are growing up with the dream of becoming actuaries. There may not be a lot of fame and glory in helping insurance vultures game the system, but the job of actuary does come with low physical demands and low stress. The average income isn’t bad either — a tasty $85,229 per. The job outlook is also good for actuaries, and why not? Who wouldn’t want to come in to work every day on a red carpet, with crazed workplace groupies hanging on your pocket protector, hoping for the chance to carry your calculator?
If the #1 best job is a surprise, there should be little mystery when you consider Job #8, statistician. Is anyone really shocked that a bunch of statisticians would decide that their job is just so wonderful that they deserve to be in the top ten? Maybe I’m being cynical, but I don’t think statisticians would rate quite so high if the ratings were done by folks in Job #122 — vending machine repairers.
And what in the world is going on with bartenders? Everyone knows that these noble souls perform a genuine public service by tending to the emotional health of individuals who can’t afford a psychiatrist, but can scrap together enough cash for a Boilermaker. Yet bartender is #138 on the list while a psychiatrist is #98. It’s just not fair.
For those of you who are in the process of choosing a profession, and for those whose chosen profession has decided that it’s time you make a change, the list does offer some interesting possibilities. For example, why don’t you take up Job #5 — historian? Those wonderful stories you tell about your childhood should more than make up for your complete lack of knowledge of historical events, like who discovered America, and where exactly did you spent last Saturday night after your weekly session with your therapist behind the bar at the Kit Kat Klub?
Or how about working at #42 — nuclear engineer? If Homer Simpson can do it, you certainly can. You might also enjoy job #43 — federal judge. Don’t be held back by your inability to make important decisions, like choosing a flavor at Baskin-Robbins; think how thin you would look in a bulky black robe.
Job #117, sewage plant operator, sounds like a lot of fun, and it’s rated almost 20 points higher than surgeon, which is Job #136. If you can’t stand the sight of blood, but can’t fill your life with enough sewage, get in your application fast.
Of course, if you really want a great job for 2010, a position with no physical demands and a superb work environment, I suggest you continue right on with what I suspect will be the real #1 top job of 2010 — unemployed.

 

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January 16, 2010 @ 2:44 am

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