Work Daze

Yes, I know. Your boss likes you. But does she or he “like like” you or simply “like” you. Or, and this is important, did they used to really “like like” you and now, merely “like” you?

No, this isn’t high school. This is the real world. In fact, it’s the “real real” world, where an unreturned email, a quick hang-up, or an uncomfortable moment in the hallway can not only mean you have lost a friend, but also, that you have lost a job.

I was reminded of this insight by a recent column in “The Wall Street Journal” by Dana Mattioli, to whom, if I met her in the hallway, I would certainly give a major “Howdy-do!” What Mattioli documents is what we’ve long suspected – that when it seems like your boss has lost that loving feeling, it probably means you two are headed for a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Oh, sure, there are bosses who are naturally reserved, if not simply aloof. And you may be able to convince yourself that the reason the big boss didn’t say hello to you when you bumped into each other at the copying machine is because he or she was thinking about big issues – problems way too complex for your silly little head. You can convince yourself, but you can’t convince me.

Rich Gee agrees. “If you’re in good standing with your boss, you should be having frequent informal talks,” says the president of Rich Gee Coaching. The fact that your manager has not spoken to you since the Christmas party, and then only to tell you that you were standing on his foot, suggests that the next wave of lay-offs will sweep you away with the tide.

Still in denial? Consultant Gee suggests you compare the way your boss interacts with co-workers and use that as an indicator. If your supervisor has no time to listen to your fascinating tales of prowling swap meets to find mint Darth Vader action figures for your Star Wars collection, but somehow still manages to spend twenty minutes listening to the doofus in the next cubical describe his golf swing, chances are that you are either in the dog house, or very, very dull. And we know that certainly couldn’t be the case.

All of which raises the question of why bosses choose to deliver performance reviews through subtle, non-verbal communications. “Bosses are particularly conflict-averse,” is the answer reporter Mattioli gets from Judith Glaser, CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc. You know this is true. These highly-paid, high-powered individuals are expected to be dynamic deciders, yet they cower like scared children in a Freddy Kruger flick when it comes to delivering bad news.

That’s why bosses give you the cold shoulder. Not because they are sending you a message, but because your existence has forced them to actually make a decision.

But we’re not here to curse the darkness in your boss’s soul. Better to focus on what you can do if a chill has descended in your formerly warm and toasty relationship. One possibility is that you could actually bring up the issue. It may not be easy to buttonhole your boss, considering their natural inclination to avoid conflict in general and you in particular. If you have no luck with conventional methods, like marching into the executive bathroom and bursting open their stall, try thinking outside the box.

Hide behind the Fichus in the reception area and when the boss comes in, pounce. Tackle the slippery devil on the way to Mahogany Row and don’t let go. “Why the heck didn’t you answer my email, you miserable, pathetic, passive-aggressive poseur?”

Your boss will admire your resourcefulness and your assertiveness. Just be careful to check your facts. “Maybe your email got lost in the shuffle,” suggests Rachelle J. Canter of RJC Associates. In this situation, something more than a simple, “Ooops. I goofed” may be required. I suggest a two-pound Whitman Sampler. There’s nothing that won’t fix.

If you can’t fix your relationship problems, the only option is to start looking for another job. The cold shoulder treatment may be juvenile, but it does provide an early warning system for those who would be happier working for a boss who “really really likes likes” them.

I’m sure you can find a shoulder to cry on with another boss, but just in case, keep a Whitman Sampler in your desk drawer.