Work Daze

I admit it! Sometimes I get so involved with the pains and problems of being
supervised that I ignore completely the terrible burden on those who do the
supervising. After all, our supervisors carry a lot of responsibility on
their bony shoulders. Plus, there’s the stress of knowing that no matter how
little work you actually do, you still will have to be front and center when
it comes time to receive the credit.

Fortunately, my lack of empathy for the managerial class is balanced by the
concern of an individual with impeccable credentials – Fred Pryor. I can’t
really tell you much about Fred because I don’t know anything about him. In
fact, Fred Pryor may not really exist. Fred could be a symbolic brand
character, like Betty Crocker or Mrs. Butterfield or Dick Cheney.

One thing for certain – whoever and wherever Fred Pryor is, he is hard at
work churning out seminars that cover subjects from “Guerrilla Marketing”
[who knew the great apes had so much purchasing power?] to “Managing
Multiple Priorities, Projects and Deadlines” Makes you wonder where’s the
seminar on Managing Multiple Personalities – that’s the one you need in your
office.

“How to Supervise People” is a Fred Pryor classic – a one day trainload of
training in which you will “learn effective leadership skills to maximize
employee performance.” And though Fred doesn’t say, let me add – that is
maximizing employee performance for employees who aren’t you.

In the beautifully crafted email I received on this event there are a whole
bunch of bullet points to highlight the knowledge you will gain in a
learning experience targeted for “new supervisors, senior supervisors,
mid-level supervisors and non-supervisors.” May I also suggest it will be
useful to those of us are not-now-and-never-will-be supervisors. You know
what they say in the IT department – before you can beat your enemy, you
have to understand your enemy. For example:

• How provide meaningful praise.

It is important that supervisors learn how to give praise, since we never
get much as employees. Start with a few simple expressions: “Good boy!”
“Smart pooch!” and “Roll over, and I’ll scratch your ears.”

• Supervise friends and former peers without losing their respect.

Managing your equals can make for sticky situations in the workplace. Use
the intimate knowledge gained when you worked side-by-side as colleagues. “I
really value our long friendship,” you might say. “I would certainly hate to
include in your performance report the time you put yoghurt in the gas tank
of the CEO’s Jaguar.”

• Establish supervisor-subordinate relationship boundaries that won’t be
misunderstood.

It does take skill to create that clear and convivial “Me boss. You dirt.”
feeling. Give your direct reports meaningless and demeaning tasks to
perform, like flossing your teeth for you, or performing arthroscopic
surgery on your knee. Your people may protest that they are not qualified,
but once they understand their position in the pecking order, they will be
much happier and so will you.

• Give constructive criticism without it being taken seriously – even by the
most sensitive employee.

Heaven knows employees are a sensitive bunch. How did it become such a “big
deal” to ask someone to work when their wife is having a baby, or when
they’re having the baby themselves? You can’t return the backbone to an
American workforce gone soft, so you might as well assuage their delicate
feelings. When you do have to give criticism, be constructive, as in “You’re
a complete idiot and a total waste of oxygen, but good job on living up to
my expectation that you are a moron.”

• Develop a keen sense of when to take corrective action or fire an employee
– and the legal implications of each.

Sad to say, a supervisor can no longer fire an employee just because you
don’t like the color of his tie. People don’t wear ties today, and if they
do, they’re probably bossing you around. If you do decide to terminate an
employee, make sure the offense is serious, like questioning your direct
order. If you want an employee to get you a cinnamon latte double fast, you
don’t need some malcontent asking whether you want a grande or a vente!

By the end of the seminar you will “gain confidence and respect from your
boss, peers and team.” Not bad for one day’s non-work. But missing a day’s
work is not really a problem any more, is it? You don’t have to work. You’re
a supervisor.