Work Daze

It's just what I need - one more person to add to my "I owe you an apology"
list.

Bruce Weinstein, Ph.D. emailed me a couple of weeks ago because he thought I
would like the see an advance copy of the workplace advice column he writes
for BusinessWeek online. Like I have time to read during the month in which
The Hills wraps up for its fourth blockbuster season!

"Ask the Ethics Guy" is the title of Bruce's column and the must-know
subject of the must-read column was "The Art of the Successful Job
Interview." Now that Heidi has turned her back on her big PR job in Las
Vegas to move back in with Spencer, I have had time to peruse the prose of
The Ethics Guy.

To tell you the truth, the info was very revealing. Who knew there was an
alternative to the gold standard of interview behavior: weeping, followed by
pleading, followed by throwing yourself on the floor at the feet of the
interviewer, crying pitifully as you beat your little fists on the carpet as
you beg for the gig?

This alternate approach, as formulated by Weinstein, is based on ethical
principles. (Principles! Now we need to have principles!) Each principle
brings with it a piece of advice on how to successfully master the interview
process. Whether the ethical approach to interviewing will bring you peace
of mind, as well as a paycheck, is a matter in which The Ethics Guy wobbles.

"Taking the low road may lead to a job offer, but at what cost?" asks
Weinstein. "If you have to become someone other than yourself, what does
this say about your integrity? And what will happen to you, professionally
as well as personally, if it comes to light that you lied to get the job."

What will happen to you, personally and professionally, is that you can pay
your cable bill and upgrade your diet to Chef Boyardee from Fancy Feast. As
for becoming "someone other than yourself," isn't that what being employed
is all about? No one is going to take a look at your real self, lounging
around the living room in your PJs and your bunny slippers, and decide,
"Hey, let me write that person out a paycheck." Face facts -- it's not being
ourselves that gets us the job and keeps us employed.

Despite his failure to understand the unethical nature of work, The Ethics
Guy is willing to share his principles for successful interviewing, and
since I have no ethics, I will share them with you:

1. Focus on what you will bring to the company.

It's not all about you, Weinstein insists. I agree. But it's also not about
what you can do for the company. What it's all about is the person who is
interviewing you and how your hire can make her or him look good. If you
sense a weak ego on the other side of the desk, make sure you show the
interviewer that behind your polished profile is a real screw-up and a
slacker. Remember - bosses don't hire candidates who show them up. They hire
people whose poor performance shows how great they are in comparison.

2. Be honest.

"When you don't know the answer, it's much better to admit this than pretend
otherwise." Good idea, but what if you're a "seasoned employee" and have
trouble remembering certain obscure information, like your name? I say: if
you don't know the answer to a question, just give an answer you do know.
That's what politicians do, and they're never out of work.

3. Don't badmouth your previous employer.

"He was the biggest jerk I ever worked for" is not recommended as an
effective, or ethical, way to describe your last boss. This goes against our
previous principle, be honest, so if you're going to trash your supervisor,
be totally truthful "He was the biggest jerk I ever worked for," you can
ethically say to the hiring manager. "But everything I see in this interview
tells me you'll be an even bigger jerk."

Dr. Weinstein's over arching idea is that before you look for a job you
should "look within." "To realize a company's mission successfully, get to
know what your own mission in life is." Of course, if your mission is to
get a really well-paying, really easy job where no one will ever bug you,
better forget the ethical approach altogether.

Pleading, crying and begging may not be ethical, but they work.