Work Daze

If you asked me to pick my peak workplace experience for 2007 I would have to say – eating lunch at the cafeteria at Google world headquarters. You may think of the company as a high-technology powerhouse, or a high-rocketing investment, or just a useful resource when you need to know the latest on Britney’s pink eye, but for me, Google is all about the food.

Really! The company puts out a spread for its employees and their guests that is the worthy of anything cooked by any of your Food Network faves. I mean, when’s the last time you were offered fresh oysters, chilled crab legs and polenta soup with rosemary at a fine restaurant, not to mention a company cafeteria?

And the best part – it’s all free. Eat as much as you want, as often as you want. No wonder Google employees are happy. No wonder Google employees are fat. Why, if I worked at that company, I’d gain 50 pounds the first month – the corporate equivalent of college’s “Freshman Fifteen.”

Fortunately, I don’t work at Google, so I don’t have to worry about my lack of self-control when it comes to free food. And maybe if I did work there, I’d spend as much time in the company’s complimentary steam rooms as I would spend waiting in line at the company’s complimentary steam tables. We’ll just have to wait to see if there’s an opening in the Gourmet Gluttony Department.

Meanwhile, you and I must face the fact that even without a panoply of epicurean edibles offered to us three times a day, many workers respond to the winter season by growing a protective layer of fat. According to a survey conducted for CareerBuilder.com, 49% of workers report that they have gained weight at their current jobs. 28% percent have gained more than 10 pounds, and 13% have gained more than 20!

That’s a lot of extra poundage to stuff into your cubical, and may explain why you have recently been feeling claustrophobic. The job opportunities, perks and pay raises might be shrinking, but you’re expanding.

Naturally, the newly obese have explanations for their weight gain. “Holiday and end-of-year business obligations, along with the temptations of office treats and cold weather keeping workers indoors, all combine to make it difficult to maintain healthy habits,” says Rosemary Haefner, a CareerBuilder VP. I believe it. And the problem is even more difficult when you never had healthy habits to begin with!

There is a solution to winter weight gain, of course. Unfortunately, it requires self-discipline and moderation, two virtues we usually park at the curb. Instead of packing healthy lunches of fresh rutabaga sandwiches on 87-grain bread, with a thermos of beet juice, and a single grape for desert, 58% of us eat out at least once a week, with 12% eating out five times a week. Some of us may be dining out on wheat grass smoothies and grass fed beef, but I’ve never seen a health food restaurant with lines out the door, which occurs every work day at my local eatery, The Sodden Steer.

Before you point a finger of blame at those of us who are packing in the cholesterol at the drive-in, what about the 13% of workers who admit to eating lunch at the vending machine at least once a work? They’re probably the same people who want to show you up by being at their desk when the boss shows up at lunch time. Their reward for working over lunch will be arteries clogged with Reese’s Pieces and an early demise due to Plasticwrapitis, or pre-made tuna sandwich disease.

If lunchtime doesn’t fatten you up, snack time will. 69% of workers say they snack at least once during the workday while serial snacking is reported by 12% -- the Hannibal Lectors of the donut box.

The wafer-thin folks at CareerBuilder do have some suggestions for avoiding a pre-hibernation eatathon this winter. “Stock the shelves” they say, “Pack office drawers with healthy and filling snacks to elude comfort food temptations on chilly days.” I suggest you fill your drawers with tomato soup. It’s very comforting and you can find out if your mouse pad can float.

It is also suggested that you “keep your mouth busy” by chewing gum or chatting with co-workers. I can’t decide if I’d rather talk to the weirdoes I have work with or be fat. I’ll decide when I finish this maple bar.