Work Daze

If today's column isn't funny, don't blame me. Blame Susan Morem. A business
consultant and author, Ms. Morem was recently quoted as judging any attempt
at office humor to be "risky."

"Most people want to laugh," the consultant opines, "but you never know who
you are going to offend. The more people you involve, the more likely
someone will feel embarrassed or picked on. Jokes can backfire, so tread
lightly with them."

While I certainly agree that you never do know who you are going to offend -
it's why I work so hard to offend everybody - I'm not sure the fear of being
more annoying than amusing is a sufficient reason to halt the comedy
cavalcade that is your workplace. The moment the spitballs stop flying and
the globs of peanut butter disappear from the seat of the boss's Aeron chair
is the moment when you should pack your whoopee cushion and head out for a
more simpatico gig.

I found Morem's unfunny quotes about office fun and games in an article by
Darin Painter on the web site, revolutionhealth.com. "Know Your Boundaries
at Work" was the title of the piece, and I have to admit that I was
surprised by the results of author Painter's research.

"There's generally no clear rule about where to draw the line," says
oft-quoted, party-pooping consultant Morem, "so a good rule of thumb is to
avoid issues that might make someone uncomfortable."

Now this may seem to be a reasonable policy on the surface, but when you
examine the topics of conversation that are judged to be verboten, you will
see the problem. Romance, physical appearance, health, race, religion and
personal finance are all considered to be beyond the pale. You know for
yourself - if you can't gossip about the love-sick fatties in sales who
spent their life savings having high colonics at a Scientology health spa,
what's the sense of coming in to work?

But that doesn't bother Morem and Painter. "Refrain from gossip," they
instruct. "Remember: Those who talk to you about others will also talk about
you to others."

Of course, this is the entire point of well-crafted office tittle-tattle.
The perfect morsel of gossip is a carom shot that not only provides the
opportunity to sabotage your co-workers, but also promotes your own career.
For example, "Andy has fallen off the wagon again, have you heard? I found
him in the coffee room, slumped over a box of jelly donuts, his face covered
with powdered sugar. But for heaven's sake, don't call the boss's assistant
at 422-3465. I'll just do his work as well as my own. I guess that's just
the kind of loyal friend I am."

Not only do the fun-fighters comment on what you shouldn't say, they also
have ideas about where you shouldn't say it. They caution against spreading
personnel poison in "elevators, hallways and bathrooms." This is why I try
to spend as little time as possible at my desk. If you really want to know
what's going on in your company, hope for a serious case of diarrhea. No
corporate annual report can equal the information you'll gather when shut up
in a bathroom stall.

The Internet has also changed the face of office gossip and the article
includes a comment from wet blanket consultant Morem about boundaries in
cyber-space. "It's easier to pass around rumors, gossip and tasteless jokes
to multiple people via email than word of mouth. If you think before you
speak, don't forget to think before you hit the 'send' button."

Well, I did think and what I think is that if everyone followed this advice,
we could lose one of the great advantages of technology - the ability to
spread salacious, malicious, totally untrue rumors about our managers
throughout the entire organization with a single mouse click. What other
weapon do we have in our fight against management? They have the power of
the purse, but we have the muscle of imagination. So your manager wasn't
really caught at the No Tell Motel with an underage Dalmatian and a Jeroboam
of Fancy Feast and. Your willingness to spread the unfounded rumor shows you
really care.

In fact, the whole business of business boundaries comes down to a matter of
caring. If you care about your co-workers, you'll keep them entertained with
wild and wooly stories about your idiot bosses that spread like warm chicken
fat through the entire organization.

Sure, it's crossing a boundary, but it's a lot more fun on the other side.