Work Daze

Well, you’ve done it again. You’ve forgotten to celebrate the most important holiday of the year! Bosses Day has come and gone, Vaughn, and if you didn’t show up on Mahogany Row on October 16 with Vermont Teddy Bears for your managers, then don’t expect to get more than the bare minimum in terms of raises, perks and attaboys until Boss’s Day 2008 comes around.

That’s right, Dwight. You have 11 long months to muddle through until Boss’s Day rolls around again, and that’s assuming your head doesn’t roll first. It all goes to prove that you can blow off Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but don’t mess with Boss’s Day. If you didn’t care enough to “send the very best,” then your boss might respond by sending you to the unemployment office.

If there’s any good news in this situation it is the fact that you are probably not alone. I know one group of folks who never fail to forget bosses day – the ungrateful group of misfits and losers who work for me. [Memo to staff: I’m sure it will be different next year. That’s why I’m firing you all today.]

One group of employees who never ever forget Boss’s Day is the PR staff working for the Marlin Company. They’ve been preparing for the big day by conducting an “Attitudes in the American Workplace” survey. The surveyors at Harris Interactive contacted 752 adults aged 18 or older and employed either full- or part-time. The results are surprising.

A full 72% said they would trust their boss to baby-sit their kids for a night. At first, I found this response incredible. I wouldn’t trust my boss to baby-sit my pet iguana. Then, I realized what was going on here. That 72% was affirming what we’ve always suspected – that our bosses have the maturity, poise and emotional intelligence of a 2-year old. Of course, the boss can baby-sit your kids. Where else will you find someone who is as immature, demanding and ungrateful as those jackals who you clutch to your bosom?

Another equally incredible response was the fact that 77% of those surveyed responded positively when asked if they would hire their boss. Again, upon reflection, you would have to agree with the majority. Just think of the fun you’d have bossing around your boss. Imagine the joy of sending the grand poobah to pick up your caramel macchiato. Consider the thrill of loading on assignments at the last minute so you could ruin his evening or her week-end. With your boss as your employee, coming to work would be something you could look forward to. At least, until October 16 when your sniveling shell of an employee forgot Boss’s Day.

The flacks for the LaSalle Network were also working overtime in the run-up to Boss’s Day. The CEO of the Chicago-based recruiting firm, Tom Gimbel, used the holiday to deliver advice on how to work with “the bad bosses of prime time.” Referencing Michael Scott, the “deluded leader” of the TV show, “The Office,” Gimbel suggests that anyone working for a “bumbling, overly friendly boss” should only offer criticism in the form of “advisement.”

“Stroke his ego, be honest and show your loyalty,” councils Gimbel, which is definitely a smart strategy if you have the stomach for it. The problem is that most deluded, bumbling bosses are overly hostile. For this kind of boss, Gimbel says you have no choice but to look for another job. “But don’t worry,” he adds, showing that famous spirituality we associate with Tibet, Nepal and Chicago. “Karma will get him.”

If you did miss Boss’s Day on the 16th, there is another holiday coming up that could allow you to redeem yourself. October 27 is National Cranky Coworker Day. As with Boss’s Day, trust the PR community to both alert us to the danger of forgetting this important occasion and provide us with the perfect way to celebrate.

“Emily’s Dark Chocolate Covered Fortune Cookies are a ‘feel good’ food that boosts chemicals in the brain, thus promoting euphoria and calm,” explains the pre-Cranky Day press release from Emily and her minions. I don’t know if it’s OK to give dark chocolate to your cranky boss, as well as to your cranky co-workers, but it couldn’t hurt. I suggest you might melt the chocolate and pour it in the gas tank of your boss’s Bentley. That way the boss will be euphoric and calm while waiting for the tow-truck – and the karma – to arrive.