Work Daze

It’s summer time, friends, and you know what that means – time to count up
all those vacation days and then not use them.

You heard me right. To succeed in business today, you not only have to work
hard while you’re supposed to be at the office, you also have to work hard
when you’re supposed to be lapping up the sunshine.

If you wonder why anyone in their right mind would rather being drinking
office coffee than island margaritas, take a look at the next cubical over.
According to a survey from the Hudson company, 56% of all workers who get
vacation choose not to use all of it, and that shocking number includes a
truly deranged 30% who say they will take less than half of their days off,
off.

Can all these vacation avoiders have children so rotten and spouses so
miserable that they’d rather be in the office than on the beach? Or are you
the only one? Or, perhaps, just perhaps, there’s a method to their vacation
madness. By insisting on working while the rest of us frolic, these
wisenheimers build up so much credit with managers that they can goof off
for the rest of the year, while we’re stuck keeping our sun-burned nose to
the grindstone.

If you work at the kind of job where self-sacrifice is expected, it may be
time to start explaining to your family why this year’s vacation will begin
and end on the same Saturday afternoon. “Sure, we could jet to Jakarta or
cruise to Corsica, but I think we’ll have even more fun staying at home this
year, and really getting to know each other.”

If this gambit meets deaf ears, you can always try to send your family away
on vacation while you stay home. It will be a shame to miss spending two
rainy weeks stuck in a tiny, spider-infested cottage with your bored
children and your cranky spouse, but we must make sacrifices.

Taking the “Thanks, but no vacation for me” option is no option for Peg
Buchenroth, a senior vice president for human resources at Hudson. “Managers
need to make sure employees are taking sufficient time away from the
office,” she says. “The benefit of time off often comes through in improved
job satisfaction and greater productivity.”

I’m not sure about the satisfaction and productivity part, but I’ll bet that
your managers who have designed a brilliant plan for encouraging you to take
time off. Their abusive, unreasonable, and just plain dumb decisions make
work so darn unpleasant that you can’t help but run for cover, even if the
cover is only two weeks stuck under an umbrella stuck into the kiddy-pool in
your own backyard.

If you find you must take vacation – and I know you have a fierce boss at
home as well as at work – the least you can do is make sure you don’t enjoy
it. One proven way to insure vacation dissatisfaction is to pack your cell
phone and your laptop. The Hudson survey revealed that 35% of all managers
check in with the office frequently, often daily. [If you are on the other
end of a long-distance check-up call, make sure your manager feels needed.
Crank up the party when the telephone rings, so your boss can hear every
beer can pull-top pop. “We’re doing fine without you,” insist over a double
decibel dose of rap music. “Is it OK if I use the Christmas party fund to
pay the strippers?”]

Only 14% of non-managers call in from vacation, and I suggest that you
differentiate yourself from the crowd by being one of those who uses their
vacation to smile and dial. Call your boss at least three times a day to let
her know that you are concerned that your work will not be done to your high
standards. Constantly offer to fly back and “take the wheel before the ship
flounders and sinks on the rocky shores of incompetence.”

You’ll make a great impression, and with any luck she’ll let you return.

One final survey result is interesting to contemplate. 27% of the managerial
group report returning to the office more stressed than when they left, as
compared to only 16% of non-managers. Could the explanation be that our
managers are so egotistical they really do believe they’re so essential that
the company can not possibly survive without their presence?

You go ahead and answer that question. I’m going on vacation.