Work Daze

In the words of the noted workplace experts, R.E.M., “it’s the end of the world as we know it.” But unlike the rockers, I certainly don’t feel fine. According to a press release recently splattered across my mailbox, a survey of 2,000 workers contracted by The Hudson Company definitely proves that the young people entering the work force are completely moo-moo-goo-goo.

This is my analysis, and does not reflect the conclusions of the number crunchers hired by Hudson, but read on and see if you don’t agree with me.

Basically, the survey compares the attitudes of younger workers born after 1980, who are called Generation Y, with the opinions of older workers (Generation X, born 1965-1979), really old workers (Baby Boomers, born 1946-1964), and the walking dead (Traditionalists, born 1928-1945.)

(The fact that the Traditionalists can still pick up a telephone and answer a bunch of silly survey questions is, in my opinion, worthy of a press release. I usually fall asleep in the middle of my important phone calls at work, and when you’re calling a sex hotline at $20.00 a minute, that can be expensive.)

For me, the most shocking result of the survey is that Generation X and Y workers actually want more feedback from their managers. A full 25% of these wet-behind-the-Blue-Tooth-earphone employees “said they would like feedback from their boss at least once a week, if not every day.”

Compare this to Baby Boomers, only 20% of whom feel they can’t possibly survive without daily feedback. As for the Traditionalists, just 11% want daily feedback. If this shocking result doesn’t scream “experience,” I don’t know what does. And the truth is, the Traditionalists probably would have had an even lower response rate if they had remembered to turn on their hearing aids.

Can you imagine getting daily feedback from your boss? You and I have gone months without even seeing the overpaid bozo, and haven’t missed the experience one little bit. In fact, my personal goal is to see the boss so infrequently that she forgets I even work in the place!

But it gets worse.

“Generation Y employees also prefer more frequent social interaction with their managers,” the survey reports. “Approximately one quarter (26%) would like to socialize with their boss at least monthly. This is compared to 21% for Generation X, 16% for Baby Boomers, and 17% for Traditionalists.”

Look down the track, friend. Observe the train wreck that is to come for American businesses. After all the Traditionalists die off, and all the Baby Boomers retire to Sun City, and all Generation X quit to open espresso joints and yoga camps, our giant corporations will be run by a bunch of nitwits who think that the height of business strategy is to have monthly keggers with the boss!

I’m not saying you should cash out your 401(k) and move to the desert, but if my boss is going to start inviting me to meetings of Oprah’s book club, look for me in the front of the line at the Mojave unemployment office.

But maybe it won’t be as bad as I’m thinking. “The challenge for employers is to first understand the differences within their workforce,” says a Hudson executive, “and then come up with strategies and processes to attract, engage and retain top talent.”

Maybe while the boss is having daily visioning sessions with the youngsters playing in the company sandbox, we older, more experienced employees can actually get some work done. Or not. With all the party-going and feedback-giving our managers will be providing for needy Generation Y workers, no one will be around to see us dozing at our desks, or playing Texas Hold-em in Conference Room A.

Of course, that assumes that our bosses actually care what employees want, and if that happens, it’s got to be a first. Too bad the nosy-parkers at Hudson did not also conduct a survey of managers to see how much contact our exalted leaders want with the hoi and the polloi. I suspect the response would cross all generational lines with results limited to “Not much,” “Not at all,” and “Only during firing opportunities.”

As one enlightened manager told me, “it’s bad enough I have to pay these people. I don’t need to talk to them, as well.” It’s a lovely thought and speaking for all rational Traditionalists, Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y’ers in the workforce, I’m happy to say, the feeling is mutual.