Work Daze

True confession: I honestly believed that my negative feelings about my job and my boss and my co-workers and my water cooler were a permanent condition brought on by the utter awfulness of my working conditions, and the fact that I had to work at all, due to the carelessness of my parents in not being Rockefellers.

But I now see the errors of my ways. It is not my parents’ fault, nor is any of the blame due to the job itself, which is, as my boss affectionately insists, a “wonderful opportunity, especially for a bozo like you.” My problems, and perhaps, yours, as well, are due to a 21st Century malady called “Burnout.”

Or so claims Mike Staver, CEO of the business consulting firm, The Staver Group.

“No matter what you do for a living, it’s hard to cope in today’s world,” say Staver. “Stress is taking a toll on today’s employees and everyone pays the price. Businesses suffer because overstressed workers are less productive than they would be if they were fresh and inspired. Obviously, the employees themselves suffer most of all—and because they can’t turn off the stress at the end of the day, their partners and families are affected, too.”

Unlike thee and me, Consultant Staver does not spend his days endlessly bemoaning his lot in life, but instead, looks on the bright side by providing us with an intriguing list of “Burnout Busters.”

Is it possible that we can replace our downbeat demeanor and awful attitude with a pleasing, productive “can do” approach? Let’s find out.

1. Start your day with powerful high-energy music.

No mater what musical genre you choose, rock or pop, Staver insists that a “morning infusion of music creates a sense of positive energy and enthusiasm.” Alas, it didn’t work for me. On my way to work, I popped in a terrific CD of Ryan Seacrest’s Top 100 funeral dirges and Gregorian Chants, and by the time I got to my cubical, I was despondent and in tears. So, I’ve got to rate this tip a failure. Usually, I don’t get start crying until 10 AM.

2. Get an “accountability partner” to help you stay focused.

Cautioning us not to enlist “a spouse or romantic partner” to fill the role, Staver suggests that this person “will help you look at things objectively, understand yourself better, and be more well-rounded.” I’ll leave the question of whether or not a spouse could be a romantic partner to an expert in the field, like Heather Locklear, and focus on the employment side of the equation.

Basically, I think having a partner in workplace crime is a good idea, but do choose wisely. Determine which people in your company are the most determined, career-oriented, hard-charging individuals and avoid them like the plague. You want your accountability partner to be an even bigger goof-off than yourself, so that by comparison, you’ll always look good. Granted, it may be difficult to find a worse employee than you, but make the effort. You’ll not only feel better about your meager contribution to the company’s progress, but your “accountability partner” may be able to show you some new places in the office to take naps!

3. Take a power nap.

Speaking of naps, Burnout Buster Staver recommends 15- or 20- minute power naps. He wants you to elevate your feet. Check! He also suggests a “low-tech alarm clock,” like holding “a pen or set of keys in one hand, keeping the arm holding the object slightly raised.” The idea here is that when you are in dreamland, your hand will relax, the object will drop, and you will wake up, refreshed and ready for whatever the future brings—hopefully, another nap.

But what object to hold? That is the stress buster issue that stresses me. With your problems, you can easily power nap through a bouncing ballpoint or a set of jangling keys. How about holding a 3-month old baby? Or a 3,000-year old Egyptian vase?

If you really want to be sure of waking up, try holding a martini glass. I can sleep through crying or crashing, but I can’t stand spilling gin.

I’m sure any of these tips will bust your burnout, so thanks to Mr. Staver, but just remember—the consequences of burnout are not all negative. Burned out employees do get fired, but lively, energetic, super-motivated and totally positive employees face a fate that’s even worse. They get promoted.