Work Daze

Summer is in full swing, and it’s time for every employee to decide—is your boss ready to attend summer camp?

Remember, bosses mature at different speeds, and some simply need more time before you pack up their little suitcases and send them off on the bus. On the other hand, if your boss is ready, it would be a shame to deprive her or him of an experience that is not only great fun, but can lead to a greater sense of maturity and independence.

To help you decide, I turned to Penny Warner, the author of a “Parent’s and Kid’s Complete Guide to Summer Camp Fun.” Ms. Warner, a mother of two, who is also a spokesperson for GOODNITES® disposable underpants, tends to focus on the camp experiences of children during the bed wetting years, but I do believe that her developmental checklist does apply to all cranky, spoiled people who rule by tantrum, including our bosses.

Let’s check Penny’s checklist:

1. Shows a Desire

Does your boss seem dissatisfied with your performance? Are you bombarded with crazy criticisms and stupid suggestions on how you could do more, better, faster, and different? Clearly, it is not your fault. You are perfect. Therefore, your bosses constant carping must be hiding a deeper need—a desire to go to camp.

To confirm, next time your boss starts carping about trifles, like your perfectly reasonable habit of crawling under your desk for an after-breakfast nap, tell him that you’ve decided to divide the office into two teams, the Skins and the Shirts, for an all-company game of Amoeba Tag. If your boss starts pulling off his shirt and yelling, “I’m it! I’m it!,” he could be ready for camp.

2. Look for Signs of Independence

Penny Warner asks: “Is your child independent and self-sufficient?” I suggest you ask the same of your boss. Can your supervisor do things by himself? Can your supervisor do anything at all? You might want to try her out on a few simple tasks, like making a potholder, or weaving a basket out of twigs. [For a flexible and stylish basket material, try poison ivy branches.]

3. Be camp savvy.

For the bed wetter set, Warner suggests that you “research specific types of camps such as academic, leadership, sports, or art camp.” The same applies to your boss, bed wetter or not. Obviously, anyone who hired you is not ready for academic camp, though some basic education is mathematics might be useful for someone who thinks you can live on the pittance that is your salary. Leadership camp might be a good choice, assuming the mission of the place is to discover leadership traits and stamp them out. [Imagine the sense of reality that will descend on your boss when he falls off backwards from “Trust Rock” and finds everyone on his team has left to play red light/green light.

Sports camp could be a safe choice, but I recommend art camp, especially if the focus is on finger painting. Your boss would feel comfortable doing what he does now—make a big mess, getting endless praise for it, and then leaving the mess for someone else to clean up.

4.Prepare for Separation

“Let your child know that you will miss them,” advises Penny Warner,” but overemphasizing this may make him or her nervous.” A double ditto when sending the boss off to Camp Runamuck. If you make too big a fuss, your boss might begin to suspect you actually want them to go, perhaps for nefarious reasons, like the opportunity to have wild office parties, or do even less work than you do now.

This is the furthest thing from your mind, though a tragic dumping of your manager on a Junior Indian Brave canoe trip might leave some very attractive holes in the org. chart which could be filled by an employee with potential, like, for example, you.

5. Send Some Love

“Kids of all ages love care packages, no matter what the contents,” concludes Penny Warner, and I agree. Bosses are kids at heart, remember, and if they are cranky, overbearing, obnoxious, and just plain awful, know that while they are frolicking at camp, they are missing you. As for the contents of that care package. I agree with Ms. Warner – buy a bottle of really expensive scotch and a case of GOODNITES disposable underpants. Send the underpants and save the scotch. You’ll need it when camp ends and the boss comes home.