Work Daze

It’s a Work Daze exclusive! Gasoline prices are on the rise.

Yes, it’s true. If you haven’t filled up lately, prepare yourself for a terminal case of sticker shock when you drive the old jalopy into your favorite filling station. In some areas, a gallon of gas costs over $3.50. Why, that’s almost as much as we’re willing to pay for a jug of vintage Chardonnay.

What’s behind the rise in gasoline prices? There are many answers to this question. Some people believe the oil companies are gouging the public as they greedily try to profit from our dependency on gasoline. This seems highly unlikely. Oil companies are noted for their public spiritness. And let’s be honest, it does require a major cash outflow to keep all those gas station restrooms spotlessly clean.

Other pundits put the blame on China and India, two rapidly industrializing countries that are not only taking our jobs, but also demanding more of our oil. But this also seems improbable. How much gasoline does it take to run a call center, or a rickshaw, for that matter? Besides, with their economies booming, the Indians and the Chinese will soon be outsourcing many of their most important jobs to the United States. So far, the only person hired is American Idol host, Ryan Seacrest, who will be the official mascot of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, but I’m sure there will be more work coming our way.

[There are also some malcontents who put the blame on our politicians, many of whom are viewed as far too cozy with the industry. Just because the President was seen holding hands with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah as they strolled through Bush’s Texas ranch does not mean that the current administration is a pawn of the oil interests. Think positive! The two men simply could be gay.]

No matter what caused the current gas price crises, the fundamental question for me and thee is how to use this disaster to further our careers.

Pull up to the pump, pal and I’ll fill you up:

1. Embrace alternative energy

No question that in the future America will have to turn to alternative forms of energy. Ethanol is getting a big play now, since it made from corn, which grows in abundance and doesn’t cost very much, unless you buy it in the form of popcorn in movie theaters, in which case it’s more expensive than platinum. While you could pull out the kid’s play structure and grow corn in your backyard at home, the work environment is better suited for another form of alternative energy: wind power.

Consider the continuous blasts of hot air blowing down from Mahogany Row. Contemplate the gaseous energy produced every time there’s a staff meeting. Harnessing the force of this seemingly endless persiflage of piffle would power a dozen Hummers. And it’s easy to harness office wind power. Next time a meeting is called, simply have all your co-workers bring mini-windmills to the gathering; you’ll turn your conference rooms into mini-wind farms.

2. If you can’ t beat ’em, change ’em.

Some people who are upset about America being held hostage to the oil industry may decide to change the system – and the industry – from within. While this is certainly a noble calling, be prepared to accept a high level of sacrifice. Like any glamour business, salaries are not always commensurate with the work required. For example, Lee Raymond, the former CEO of Exxon-Mobil Corporation from 1993 to 2005, had to suffer a level of compensation just a scosh over $686 million. That is only $144,573 for each day he spent leading Exxon's "God pod," as the executive suite at the company's headquarters in Irving, Texas, is known.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t accept twice that amount to spend a day in Irving, Texas.

3. Be a role model.

Perhaps the easiest way to leverage the current rise in gasoline prices to boost your career is to set a good example for your co-workers. To conserve energy, take frequent naps at your desk. Turn off power-wasting devices like computers, telephones, and your supervisor’s pacemaker. Demonstrate thrifty driving habits by working from home, or from the lounge area of the Kit Kat Klub.

And if all else fails, ask your boss if he wants to hold hands. Let your co-workers fight for that promotion to vice president. With a little luck, you could be the company’s first sheik!